How can I stop drinking?
08.06.2025 12:38
This lasted into my early twenties and was exacerbated by the university lifestyle. Sure, I was always getting too drunk, but drinking felt like a competition in those days, and I was good at it. If I wasn’t out at a bar or house party, alcohol was still always on my mind.
I felt “less than”.
I didn’t want them to see how much of a problem I really had, so I isolated. I made new friends with the same hobby as me, drinking. I also made friends with the drugs. This sped up the downward spiral, and there was no looking back.
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However, life outside of rehab is a different beast altogether. I relapsed again and ended up in the psych ward because I literally had no other options. Somehow, I managed to sober up again, and I stayed sober for an extended period of time. I was pretty much sober for the best part of three years, with a few small slips. I got a good job, had hobbies, and started working out. I even started dating again and hanging out with friends. I started to build a life for myself. Things really did turn around for me.
In high school, alcohol was a way for me to feel “
Making it through the day was unbearable. I looked horrendous. I didn’t even recognize myself in the mirror anymore. Busted blood vessels in my eyes from vomiting made me look like I was dying. Eventually, my aunt found an embarrassing amount of my hidden liquor bottles, my shame stash. I was also throwing a lot of my empty bottles in the work trash as well so she only found a small number of my bottles.
The evil thing about addiction, though, is that it’s the one disease that convinces you that you don’t have it.
I had no interest in school anymore; it was just something I did, and it kept me close to the party scene. The school also made me feel less guilty about my stagnant work life because I was still a “student” and didn’t need to grow up yet. However, all things come to an end,
I feel like this is my last chance at life. There isn’t much more I could lose. Every time I relapse, it ends up being worse than I could have ever imagined. I don’t think I could mentally or physically survive another relapse, so I have to remain on guard and stay vigilant. I know I have another relapse in me, but I may not have another recovery in me. This is life or death for me, and I choose life.
I had six visits to the five-day in-patient detox center. I ended up in the psych ward more times than I went to the detox center. I had ambulances and cops show up and take me to hospitals for risk of overdose. I blew all the savings that I had built up over the last three years. I eventually lost my job. I lost everything, including any self-respect and self-confidence I had found along the way.
I flew straight to an in-patient treatment center for thirty days. It was the best decision I ever made. It didn’t last; once I got out, I relapsed within two weeks, but I will say that it got the ball rolling. I now wanted to be sober. So, my dad drove me back to rehab again for another thirty days. I learned so much about myself. Both of those thirty-day stints in the treatment center were the longest stretches of sobriety I had ever had. I had hope once again.
My aunt kicked me out of the house, but she said if I went and got treatment, I could live there after, as long as I got some help. This was probably one of the most important moments of my life. This was the moment I started to fight back and decided to give sobriety a chance. So thanks, Aunt Judy, it was the tough love I needed.
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Life was a series of parties with this depressing and boring part I had to go through until the next opportunity to drink. I remember wondering how people could have fun without drinking. I had lost that ability somewhere along the way. I lost interest in all other things. My life started to revolve around alcohol.
I am a chronic relapser. I have been in your spot as little as 3 weeks ago. First thing, find a detox center where they will monitor you while you detox from alcohol, then you can go to the rehab route, AA route, or figure out your own way.
I guess I always did have a problem with alcohol. The first time I ever drank at a young age led to a blackout. So did most of the other times when I came to think about it. I suspect genetics, bad choices, and a little childhood trauma mixed with an addictive personality are to blame here, but who really knows? I guess it doesn’t really matter, I just have to deal with it now.
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I had always felt quite awkward in social situations, and alcohol completely rid me of all self-consciousness. It felt like the missing piece to the puzzle. I could go have fun without the awful social anxiety that plagued me.
A catalyst for the progression of my addiction was when I realized all of the shame, guilt, and sickness from heavy drinking the night before could be cast away with a few drinks the next morning. This is kind of when I lost the “off” button for my drinking. I eventually realized alcohol was just borrowing happiness from the next day and I had accumulated a significant amount of debt.
So here I am, living my life one day at a time, doing everything I can to not take that first drink. I am optimistic, and I once again have hope. I will do everything in my power to stay sober. It’s going to take a long time for me to get back what I’ve lost, but I am going to do it. I’m also going to try to use my experiences to help others. I hope my story can help someone. Maybe my story can make someone else who is struggling feel less alone or avoid the mistakes I have made.
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School ended, and university friends all moved on with their lives in different cities. I hid myself from the friends who stuck around.
As this went on, alcohol robbed me of any ambition I had left. Work became something I did to pay for alcohol. I didn’t progress in my work life; I was stagnant. I was barely capable of doing my low-paying job so how could I expect to go after a more fulfilling and higher-paying position?
both good and bad.
I eventually ran away from my problems to a different part of the country. This was probably one of the worst choices I’ve ever made, as if a different city would cure me of all my problems and give me a fresh start. I was a little naive at the time, but it seemed like the only plausible option. I got a job and lived with my aunt while I got myself set up. Once again, I aimed low when it came to finding work, and I was not even making enough money to afford all the alcohol I was consuming.
For those three years (minus the few slips) where I didn’t drink, my addiction was growing inside of me. I would say within two weeks, my addiction was worse than it had ever been before. It returned with a vengeance.
normal” at parties.
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Two months ago, I got into another thirty-day in-patient rehab center. I completed the program once again and gave it all I had. I go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings every day and another group therapy once a week. I am actively looking for work again. I meditate every day and practice different mindfulness techniques. I go to the gym every day. I pray to a God I may or may not believe in. Most importantly, I’m opening up to people and learning to express myself. Writing has become very therapeutic for me.
I let my guard down. I guess you could call it a perfect storm. I was in a depressive episode, extremely anxious, and triggered by something I couldn’t control. I gave in, and I relapsed once again. This relapse was quite a bit bigger than a slip. It’s been a year since I first relapsed, and I am only now getting back to a good place where I think I can stay sober and rebuild my life. I will go into this relapse in more detail in a separate article.
I was completely hopeless. I admitted at this point that I was indeed an alcoholic/addict, but I had no idea how to stop it. I didn’t think I could. Every moment outside of work, I was drinking. The physical symptoms of addiction started to catch up with me. I would wake up every morning sweating and shaking. I would throw up every morning from the hangover, nausea, and anxiety attacks. I could barely drive to work because of the panic attacks.
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Hello My Friend,
Here’s my story if it helps.